too-busy:

You could have gave me a sign. Any sign, would have been good enough for me to just know you existed in this world. That’s all I would’ve needed from you. You have absolutely no idea what I’ve needed to do to just—to just—forget about you. 

[Steve’s voice slowed toward the end of his short lived rant. He understood. And he had a feeling James understood that he knew just how hard it was for Bucky to not come and give him an idea that he was alive. But Steve was selfish, rightfully so to a certain extent, but none the less selfish.

The drugs made it no better. To make him forget. If anything it made him more aware of his lost relationship with Bucky. But there wasn’t really anything he could do about it now. He just rolled with it.]

     [ there was the empty incredible
     feeling in his stomach. natasha
     had told him that he would react
     like this. james always knew
     that he’d react like this, and that
     surprisingly hurt. he had been
     expecting the blow, but not as
     much as this. a soft sigh left
     his lips momentarily.

                              — to forget,
     did steve really want to forget
     about him, to forget about the
     countless times that bucky had
     saved his ass and made sure
     he got home safe? a lump
     appeared in his throat,
     constricting it and tightening as
     he tried to speak ]

        “Sorry, that I didn’t give you a call.
               You know, being brainwashed by Russia takes a lot out of a man.
                  You can’t say anything to me, when Natasha knew I was alive this whole time, and didn’t tell you a goddamned thing, because she wanted to protect you.
                   Keep you away from what I had become.”